ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
