i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
