Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Come see our sink grown plant.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Randomize
