i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
