My first STD was from a foam party
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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