It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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