i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
