worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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