Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
