When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
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