dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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