Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
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