I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
