none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Everyone says I win the strip club
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Randomize
