I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize
