..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Randomize
