Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
