This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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