U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize