Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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