The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
