My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
