Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
