I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
