At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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