You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
My brain says no but my pants say off.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
