I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Randomize
