I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
