please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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