p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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