is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
