I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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