you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
