I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
