my phone needs a breathalizer
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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