I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I just had sex on a roof
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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