I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I DEMAND FORESKIN
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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