Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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