I hate your face
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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