two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize