Kiss
Puke
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
