Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
