No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
