You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Randomize
