Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
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