Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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