no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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