My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
