No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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