I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
You are a genius and a whore.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize