A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
