Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
