My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
