Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
