Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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