but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Randomize
