He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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