Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
