I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
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