Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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