I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize
