her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize