Having a random hookup so left but love u
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
