All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
