Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
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