Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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