I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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