At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Randomize
