Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
