my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
