i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
