and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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