my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
