My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
