I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize