I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Sober January is a disaster.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
