put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
