Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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