Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
