I must be too annoying 4 u.
You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
