just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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