I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
