I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
