I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
