Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
